Traditions are built on rituals and expectations, often telling us what we "should" do and how we "should" feel. And if we can't meet these standards, the pressure can lead to stress, loneliness, and anxiety even boredom.
Over the years, I’ve watched many people, especially women, struggle with the weight of creating the "perfect" Christmas, birthday or holiday: managing meals, buying expensive gifts, and upholding traditions. While Christmas holds a special place in my heart, over the years I've started to feel more dread than joy as the pressure mounts. So, last year, my kids and I said, “f... traditions.” We agreed tp handmade gifts, skipped the advent calendar, and focused on being present. This year, we’re going further: instead of spending on food and presents, we're pooling our resources for a shared adventure that creates lasting memories and not stuck on feeling happy on the 24th.
Traditions That Can Be Hard to Live Up To:
• Christmas, New Years, Thanks Given etc: What’s meant to bring joy, comfort and togetherness can remind some of what's missing—empty chairs or unfulfilled expectations—leaving us feeling hollow.
• Summer: Instead of relaxation, it can amplify loneliness. While some gather by pools, others are left feeling invisible, hoping to find something to fill the emptiness.
• Birthdays: What should be a celebration of life can bring anxiety, reminding us of aging, lost time, and the pressure to do more and celebrate with people.
Instead of comfort, these rituals often highlight how far we are from the ideal, leaving us stressed and inadequate.
Emotions Beyond the Calendar
But grief, sorrow, loneliness, anger, and anxiety don't care about traditions.
They don't follow dates or seasons. They don't wait for the "right time." They show up when they want to. And in those moments, holidays and milestones cannot dictate when we should feel joy, nor can they define the emotions we should experience.
In a society obsessed with milestones—holidays, birthdays, vacations—that tell us when to feel happy or excited, these moments can feel alienating. It’s like we’re the only ones who didn’t get the manual for how to feel the “right” emotions.
F*ck traditions
So, feel free to control traditions. They don’t understand the weight some carry. They don’t acknowledge the pain that certain days bring, and neither should they get to tell us when we should feel happiness.
So you don't have to pretend if it is too hard. We don’t have to abide by the prescribed dates society hands us. Why not skip December 24th and 25th altogether? Instead, let’s gather on the 10th of December for a walk, sipping hot chocolate with random people. Let’s abandon the frantic need to do something on our birthdays. Stay 19 as long as you want—there’s no rule that says you have to age on a specific day. Why follow a script that doesn’t fit?
Instead of buying overpriced holiday tickets during peak season, let’s sign up for a course, learn something new, or stay home and read. Let’s not fall into the trap of chasing the world’s version of the "perfect holiday." You don’t need to tick boxes, buy into consumerism, or follow the typical vacation schedules dictated by holidays like Christmas or Easter. Forget what you’re "supposed" to do—create your own traditions, mark your own dates, and celebrate when it feels right to you—not when the world says it should.
Maybe it’s time to make space for new memories, new rhythms, and new ways of living. Rejecting societal pressures and live authentically. To stop letting dates and events dictate how we should feel and do. Embrace the freedom of creating your own path, free from the suffocating expectations of traditional dates and societal events.
Supporting Others Through Traditions
If you cherish traditions and festivities, it’s worth looking around you and take a moment to consider those who find these times difficult. There are individuals who may be alone and in need of an invitation into your warm, welcoming space.
Additionally, there are those who feel overwhelmed by the pressure of what they "should" be doing over the holidays and could benefit from a helping hand and support in delegating tasks.
Your brain will thank you.
Mette Theilmann Founder of HerEdge Cote d’Azur Club
Comments