Strategies for finding strength in solitude

Image provided and painted by the talented artis Liz Adams

Mastering loneliness: Don’t let loneliness define you, aim for solitude

Our brain is incredibly powerful, and I believe, that what we choose to focus on the most, we cultivate and grow until it becomes a habit—part of our everyday life.

If we constantly tell ourselves, "I am so lonely," or "I am alone," we start to believe that this is an unchangeable reality, a fact that is here to stay. However, what if we could "trick our brain"?

As a narrative and social psychologist, as well as an NLP practitioner, I firmly believe that we have the ability to reprogram our way of thinking. By doing so, we can shift our behaviours and responses to life's challenges, ultimately changing our perception of situations and improving our overall well-being. By consciously shifting our focus and reframing our narrative, we can change how we respond to life’s challenges. Instead of reinforcing feelings of isolation, we can choose to train our mind toward connection, positivity, and growth—creating new habits that empower us, rather than holding us back.

That is why I prefer the word solitude to loneliness.

Solitude versus loneliness

Solitude is the peaceful state of being alone, where you find comfort, clarity, and a sense of connection with yourself. It’s a choice, often rejuvenating and restorative.

Loneliness is a complex emotional state that arises when there is a perceived gap between the social connections we desire and the ones we actually have. It’s the feeling of isolation, where you might long for connection or feel disconnected from others.

Loneliness is not simply about being alone—it can also be about feeling disconnected or isolated from others, even when surrounded by people. At its core, loneliness can stem from the lack of meaningful relationships or a sense of emotional fulfilment.

It can be triggered by various factors, such as the loss of a loved one, a major life transition, relocating or even being surrounded by people who don’t truly understand or support us.

While solitude is a physical state, loneliness is emotional.

When the stat of feeling lonely is prolonged or unresolved, it can lead to distress or negative consequences. Finding ways to address and cope with loneliness is important for maintaining emotional health.

Nurture versus Nature?

Society often favours extroverts, pushing us to seek popularity from a young age—striving for having and being with countless friends, constant invitations, and a certain number of followers on social media. We’re taught that our worth is measured by external validation, and that being alone or having few but meaningful friendships makes us outsiders, unworthy, or unpopular.

As children, when we misbehaved, we were often sent to be alone—whether that meant being isolated at home or placed outside the classroom at school. Similarly, when we break the law, we are sometimes confined to a solitary cell. It’s no wonder, then, that many of us subconsciously associate being alone with punishment or rejection.

These conditioning shapes our perception of being by ourselves as something negative, even though it can also be a valuable opportunity for reflection, growth, and self-discovery.

Or is it nature?

But let’s see it from another view angle and take a step back and look at what happened during COVID.  It really proved how deeply wired we are as social creatures who thrive on connection.

The pandemic forced us into isolation, and for many, it highlighted just how much we depend on being part of a community to feel needed and in physical connections.

The sudden loss of in-person interactions, whether with family, friends, or coworkers, left many feeling disconnected and isolated in ways they had never experienced before.

It became glaringly obvious that our mental and emotional well-being is intricately tied to the relationships and support systems we build around us.

Whether it was virtual hangouts, online communities, or simply a phone call to check in, we saw how critical it is to feel connected to others, to share experiences, and to be part of something bigger than ourselves.

COVID may have separated us physically, but it also underscored our deep need to belong. The day today I continue to support individuals struggling with the lasting effects of solitude, isolation, and the emotional scars left behind during the COVID period.

As social creatures, we are biologically programmed to connect with others, and when that connection is lacking, feelings of isolation can set in. However, loneliness doesn’t have to define us.  There are powerful ways to navigate through it and even transform it into an opportunity for growth.

What step can we take?

Here are some strategies to help you manage loneliness and find strength in solitude.

1.      Practice Self-Care: one of the most important steps in managing loneliness is reconnecting with yourself. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that external relationships are the only source of happiness, but true joy starts from within.

By prioritizing self-care, you can foster a deeper sense of self-love and fulfilment. Engage in activities that trigger positive emotions—exercise (which releases endorphins), eat nutritious foods and cook for yourself even though it can be hard (your body and mind deserve it), ensure you’re getting proper sleep, and spend time in nature, whether it’s walking in a park or soaking up the sunshine. Meditation can also help centre your mind and calm your thoughts. When you strengthen your connection with yourself, you’ll find that you’re less reliant on others for validation or happiness. CLICK here for more blogs about self love

2. The Power of Volunteer Work: Shifting your focus to others can sometimes be the best way to combat loneliness since here you focus on someone else’s needs, not getting sucked into feeling sorry for yourself. Volunteering can provide a sense of purpose and help you feel that your life has meaning beyond your own experiences. When you help others, whether through charity or community work, you gain a fresh perspective on life, and it gives you a reason to get up every day. Plus, the connections you make while volunteering can lead to genuine relationships built on kindness and shared values. My dad once told me, "Volunteer work isn't just for saints; we do it because it fulfills personal needs too."

3. See the Upside of Solitude: Embracing freedom and self-discovery while feeling lonely is difficult! But solitude can often offer a unique opportunities for growth. In solitude, we can truly discover who we are without the pressures or expectations of others. This time away from the noise of society allows us to focus on our personal values, passions, and goals. Solitude provides the space to reflect, recharge, and become more self-aware. Embrace this freedom, knowing that it’s during these quiet moments that we often grow the most.

4. Talk to Strangers: Small conversations can have big impact on our feeling of loneliness While it might feel daunting, striking up a conversation with a stranger it can be surprisingly uplifting. Whether it’s someone sitting next to you on the bus, a barista at your favourite café, or a fellow shopper at the grocery store, engaging in small talk can make a difference in your day. You never know, these brief exchanges could lead to a meaningful connection or simply brighten your mood in ways you hadn’t anticipated.

I remember feeling lonely in a café when I noticed a woman reading a Danish book (I'm Danish). I asked, "Is it a good book?" We had a great conversation and another coffee together. Although we never met again, that simple exchange made me feel seen and connected. In that brief moment, I was reminded that reaching out, even in the smallest way, can make all the difference in how we feel about ourselves.

 5. Talk and Share: You’re not alone in feeling alone: opening up about your feelings of loneliness can be one of the most powerful tools in overcoming them. It’s easy to think that you’re the only one going through this, but the truth is, many people feel the same way. Start by reaching out to friends or family members you feel comfortable with and share what you’re going through. Vulnerability can be difficult, but it’s through sharing our struggles that we often find empathy and support. Sometimes, all it takes is one conversation to realize you’re not alone.

 6. Invite Creativity into Your Life: Explore new outlets such as creativity can be a transformative outlet for managing loneliness. Whether it’s through painting, knitting, cooking, music, singing, writing, cooking, engaging in creative activities allows you to express your feelings, explore new passions and offer both relaxation and fulfilment. You don’t need to aim for perfection or try to become the next Picasso—creativity is about finding what resonates with you.

7. Learn Something New: try shift your focus from loneliness to growth rather than focusing on the absence of social connections by redirecting your energy toward learning something new. Whether it’s a new language, a sport, or a hobby you’ve always been interested in, learning stimulates your mind and keeps you engaged and boost your self-stem. It’s also a great way to meet new people who share your interests. As you focus on growth and self-improvement, you’ll begin to shift your perspective and realize that loneliness doesn’t have to be a permanent state.

8. Join a Club or Group: If you’re feeling like you don’t have that one or two close friends in your life, consider joining a club or group to spark new connections. Do you enjoy reading? Join a book club. Love writing? Find a writing group. Into walking? Look for a walkie-talkie group nearby. If you live in another country, try an expat social group. The possibilities are endless, and the best part is, you don’t need to show up with friends—you’re all there to meet new people, just like you. You’re never truly alone when you open yourself to new connections.

9. Work on being a friend: When we feel lonely, we often focus on "finding" friends or connections, but maybe it’s time to focus on being a friend to someone else. True friendship begins with given and being a friend. A good friend listens, cares, and respects the other person. They show up during tough times, offer support without judgment, and are always there when needed. It’s not about numbers—it’s about the depth of connection and mutual care. Can you be a friend for someone who needs it?   

Conclusion Loneliness doesn’t have to define you.

While it’s natural to experience, it’s also something that can be managed and transformed into an opportunity for self-growth.

By practicing self-care, focusing on helping others, embracing solitude, reaching out to strangers, sharing your feelings, exploring creativity, and learning new things, you can find strength and purpose in solitude.

Remember, you are stronger than loneliness: You have the power to cultivate meaningful connections, both with others and with yourself. As the saying goes, “I am stronger than depression and I am braver than loneliness, and nothing will drag me down.” You are not alone in this journey—take the first step toward mastering loneliness and reclaiming your inner strength.

Your brain will thank you.

 Mette Theilmann Founder of HerEdge Cote d’Azur Club